Have you ever lost your head and screamed out either verbally or inwardly “CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LISTEN!!!!!!!!”? Did it look something like this?
Oh, c’mon I know that I am NOT the only “Christian” who lost their head! A matter of fact, there were several occasions. Oh who are we fooling, this is our look whether we wear it on the outside or inside when there are issues to be discussed. Am I right? I’m not talking to those who “think” they got it all together in their fairytale marriage. There is sarcasm there if you didn’t pick it up. :) There is no fairytale marriage. ALL marriages have moments of conflict. You may be saying, “not my marriage” we don’t yell at each other”. Maybe so, but I’m sure you had moments you wanted to!
The worst feeling is to go “unheard” when you are expressing your thoughts, making a suggestion or addressing an issue. It just seems the moment you open your mouth the defenses rise up. What may start as a conversation is now a full blown yelling match – each trying to get their point across. Frustration enters. The wife is crying and the husband is slamming his fist at the wall.
What now? Do we give up trying to communicate because the end result seems to be the norm?
Let’s face it, men and women are different. How they express themselves and how they react are different. Most women are sensitive, emotional and verbal. Whereas the man is more “matter-of-fact” (straight forward and unemotional). Men have a tendency of keeping things bottled up inside – not much of a talker but more of a thinker. Although they may be sensitive, they fight to maintain their manhood. Okay men, you know what I’m talking about. It may be out of pride or because they been told as a child to “man up” “boys don’t cry”. Therefore they associate being emotional as weakness. Do I have any men that are willing to admit this to be true?
Communication is the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs (Free Dictionary.com). In essence when you are conversing there is “swapping” – one speaks as the other listens and vice versa.
Sometimes there are moments when a spouse needs to express themselves and all they are looking for is to be heard - desiring that their spouse hear their heart. The problem is that our defenses causes us to process what is being said as a personal attack. Therefore we don’t listen to understand but to reply.
Use discernment and wisdom! “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5)
While your spouse is speaking, pray and ask God whether you should respond or just listen so as to understand. Reassure them not by words but a look that says “I’m listening”. It will not only bring them comfort but encourages them to extend the same to you. This method creates a safe place and encourages future communication.
Let us learn to be sensitive and respectful towards one another in our conversations - applying the wisdom God provides us with in His Word. Life together will be much easier and enjoyable if we did!
I hope you were listening with your heart as you read this post and that somehow it spoke to you.
Let me know what your thoughts are?
Oh, c’mon I know that I am NOT the only “Christian” who lost their head! A matter of fact, there were several occasions. Oh who are we fooling, this is our look whether we wear it on the outside or inside when there are issues to be discussed. Am I right? I’m not talking to those who “think” they got it all together in their fairytale marriage. There is sarcasm there if you didn’t pick it up. :) There is no fairytale marriage. ALL marriages have moments of conflict. You may be saying, “not my marriage” we don’t yell at each other”. Maybe so, but I’m sure you had moments you wanted to!
The worst feeling is to go “unheard” when you are expressing your thoughts, making a suggestion or addressing an issue. It just seems the moment you open your mouth the defenses rise up. What may start as a conversation is now a full blown yelling match – each trying to get their point across. Frustration enters. The wife is crying and the husband is slamming his fist at the wall.
What now? Do we give up trying to communicate because the end result seems to be the norm?
Let’s face it, men and women are different. How they express themselves and how they react are different. Most women are sensitive, emotional and verbal. Whereas the man is more “matter-of-fact” (straight forward and unemotional). Men have a tendency of keeping things bottled up inside – not much of a talker but more of a thinker. Although they may be sensitive, they fight to maintain their manhood. Okay men, you know what I’m talking about. It may be out of pride or because they been told as a child to “man up” “boys don’t cry”. Therefore they associate being emotional as weakness. Do I have any men that are willing to admit this to be true?
Communication is the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs (Free Dictionary.com). In essence when you are conversing there is “swapping” – one speaks as the other listens and vice versa.
Sometimes there are moments when a spouse needs to express themselves and all they are looking for is to be heard - desiring that their spouse hear their heart. The problem is that our defenses causes us to process what is being said as a personal attack. Therefore we don’t listen to understand but to reply.
Use discernment and wisdom! “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5)
While your spouse is speaking, pray and ask God whether you should respond or just listen so as to understand. Reassure them not by words but a look that says “I’m listening”. It will not only bring them comfort but encourages them to extend the same to you. This method creates a safe place and encourages future communication.
Let us learn to be sensitive and respectful towards one another in our conversations - applying the wisdom God provides us with in His Word. Life together will be much easier and enjoyable if we did!
I hope you were listening with your heart as you read this post and that somehow it spoke to you.
Let me know what your thoughts are?
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